Let’s get this out of the way: Amber Rose is the most famous girlfriend in rap history. One day, a decade or so from now, Sebastian will happen upon the head-licking photo and be really spooked by it. If you’ve never seen it, I recommend blocking out some time before you Google it, because you will lose the next hour down a rabbit hole of Kanye-Amber image searching. The head-licking photo is this generation’s version of naked John nuzzling Yoko on the cover of Rolling Stone. That photo, published five years ago, captured Rose and West at the zenith of their crazy infatuation, looking sexier and more in love than anyone has looked, maybe ever, their pheromonal forces eradicating any inhibition. “It tastes like pumpkin pie,” he announces. After he obliges, she bows her exquisitely shaped head and he licks the top, like a lizard. Rose pleads with Sebastian to come over to the couch and cuddle with her. (Also translucent: the tanning bed in the corner of the bedroom, across from the decorative stripper pole.) “You can see through it,” Sebastian says. We revisit last week’s word-translucent-and Rose holds up one of the bottles of water we’ve been chugging. “To engage in conversation,” he says, and we erupt in cheers of approval. Sebastian-Bash or Bashie for short-peers up at us, looking a bit bored of the vocab quiz. Khalifa and Rose are in the middle of a messy divorce, but Rose, 32, still has a massive tattoo of his shit-eating grin on the back of her left arm. “Con-ver-sate,” says Sebastian, whose father is the rapper and stoner king Wiz Khalifa. “Hey Sebastian, what’s the new word we learned this week?” Rose asks. Both Nas and French Montana used to live here, Rose says. This week’s word is technically not a word at all (TMZ will point this out after she’s uploaded a video of her lesson to Instagram) but it comes in handy as we try to explain to him why I am here on a Sunday afternoon-a complete stranger lounging in the palatial master bedroom of Mommy’s house in the Hollywood Hills. Every week, Amber Rose teaches her two-year-old son a new word.

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